=~
.*.=~.*.
im so stress up these daes...i juz feel like crying non-stop...i noe its no gd...but i seriously need to cry everyting out...im juz too stress up...too many tings had happened...too many tings r going to happen...and wat-so-ever...
1stly...n e one i will consider most impt now is...e fact...i leave himb liao...tis time...i really let go mi soul...its may not seem so serious to u guys out there...but it really hurts...they keep toking to mi bout hiband stuffs...but i dun ever wan to reply them or tok bout it...y?i really cannot let go...tis is e place which taught mi alot of tings...show mi alot of stuffs...let mi see who's mi real friends...n who r not...let mi realised that...even if u noe someone all of ur life...been in e class all of ur friend...tt person would still not b ur true friend...tis is e place which taught mi how to play mi percious horn...build mi love for music...tis is e place where i met 3 great instructors...though they might nt b e best like some other instructors...i still tink they r e greatest in mi life...they r mi role model...i love them...tis is e place where i 1st learn to teach...tis is e place where i 1st let mi emotions flow freely...be it anger or sadness...in fact...tis is e place which brought mi lots of memories...when i sae all tis...mi heart really aches...i dun understand why too...i really wan to leave...when im ready to leave...i wan to look back...mayb...e last wk b4 syf really taught mi a bery impt lesson...i can help e band alot...but it oso taught mi another impt lesson...i shld not b so selfish n i shld not b bothered wat others sae to mi...i dunno...i haf to sae tis...i miss e kids there...i miss e teacher-in-charge...i miss e instructors...i miss every single tings wif regards wif himb...i dunno y...its onli one wk since i leave them...but e emotions in mi r running wild...i cant concentrate well on mi stuffs...im such an idiot...
2ndly...syf in srband...yea...one ting ive been looking forward too...but...e nearing its drawing to...e more afraid am i...im scare i cant produce gd music...im a bad player...compared to debbie n lulu...i noe it miself...like wat lulu sae...even if i dun play...it doesn't matter...y?coz there's no sound frm mi playing at all...true...i agree wif him...despite prac-ing so hard...its still e same...though i always go back hiband to prac...when i get back to srband to play...everyting is still e same...mayb i shld juz listen to lulu...mayb i shld juz not play...tis isnt e 1st time she sae that...she's been saying tt since last year...haiz...wat does tis mean?im a bad player...as simple as that...i cant pitch mi high A...i cant play e vol which debbie n lulu play...im tone deaf...im not a great musician...im a bad student conductor...im a bad leader...i prac like mad...but everyting is still useless...in short...im a bad n lousy musician...
3rdly...skool...now...i seriously hate skool...im about to turn mad le...e stress level there...though srjc is not a bery gd skool...but im feeling super stress up in that skool...im soon to turn mad...mayb i really need to visit IMH...mayb i shld haf one of those jackets b4 i really hurt miself...i feel like learning frm chelmin or xuelin...use a pen knief n cut miself...let pain replace mi other emotions...let miself bleed to death...mayb tis is better...who noes...e world might b a better place...mayb hiband will get a gold...mayb srband will b better...mayb srjc will bcum greater too...e fact is...im a loser...
lastly...n i hate tis e most...i dun feel like miself animore...i dun feel like e old gracia i used to b...tis is not mi...im not like tis...i hate it...i dun like it...it sucks...i wan e old mi back...i dunno wat's happening...i juz dun like wat im doing now...i wan to do music...instead im studying like mad...but at e end...e results still sucks...i wan to teach music to himb...but i dun haf e time...i wan to learn more frm mi instructors...but i cant afford e time too...i wan to learn piano frm ms tay again...BUT I NO HAF E TIME!!!!seriously...i really hate miself...
after saying all tt...i feel like crying...i tink im under depression...
friends...pls 4gif mi if i hurt anione of u...
sorry...
=(
im so stress up these daes...i juz feel like crying non-stop...i noe its no gd...but i seriously need to cry everyting out...im juz too stress up...too many tings had happened...too many tings r going to happen...and wat-so-ever...
1stly...n e one i will consider most impt now is...e fact...i leave himb liao...tis time...i really let go mi soul...its may not seem so serious to u guys out there...but it really hurts...they keep toking to mi bout hiband stuffs...but i dun ever wan to reply them or tok bout it...y?i really cannot let go...tis is e place which taught mi alot of tings...show mi alot of stuffs...let mi see who's mi real friends...n who r not...let mi realised that...even if u noe someone all of ur life...been in e class all of ur friend...tt person would still not b ur true friend...tis is e place which taught mi how to play mi percious horn...build mi love for music...tis is e place where i met 3 great instructors...though they might nt b e best like some other instructors...i still tink they r e greatest in mi life...they r mi role model...i love them...tis is e place where i 1st learn to teach...tis is e place where i 1st let mi emotions flow freely...be it anger or sadness...in fact...tis is e place which brought mi lots of memories...when i sae all tis...mi heart really aches...i dun understand why too...i really wan to leave...when im ready to leave...i wan to look back...mayb...e last wk b4 syf really taught mi a bery impt lesson...i can help e band alot...but it oso taught mi another impt lesson...i shld not b so selfish n i shld not b bothered wat others sae to mi...i dunno...i haf to sae tis...i miss e kids there...i miss e teacher-in-charge...i miss e instructors...i miss every single tings wif regards wif himb...i dunno y...its onli one wk since i leave them...but e emotions in mi r running wild...i cant concentrate well on mi stuffs...im such an idiot...
2ndly...syf in srband...yea...one ting ive been looking forward too...but...e nearing its drawing to...e more afraid am i...im scare i cant produce gd music...im a bad player...compared to debbie n lulu...i noe it miself...like wat lulu sae...even if i dun play...it doesn't matter...y?coz there's no sound frm mi playing at all...true...i agree wif him...despite prac-ing so hard...its still e same...though i always go back hiband to prac...when i get back to srband to play...everyting is still e same...mayb i shld juz listen to lulu...mayb i shld juz not play...tis isnt e 1st time she sae that...she's been saying tt since last year...haiz...wat does tis mean?im a bad player...as simple as that...i cant pitch mi high A...i cant play e vol which debbie n lulu play...im tone deaf...im not a great musician...im a bad student conductor...im a bad leader...i prac like mad...but everyting is still useless...in short...im a bad n lousy musician...
3rdly...skool...now...i seriously hate skool...im about to turn mad le...e stress level there...though srjc is not a bery gd skool...but im feeling super stress up in that skool...im soon to turn mad...mayb i really need to visit IMH...mayb i shld haf one of those jackets b4 i really hurt miself...i feel like learning frm chelmin or xuelin...use a pen knief n cut miself...let pain replace mi other emotions...let miself bleed to death...mayb tis is better...who noes...e world might b a better place...mayb hiband will get a gold...mayb srband will b better...mayb srjc will bcum greater too...e fact is...im a loser...
lastly...n i hate tis e most...i dun feel like miself animore...i dun feel like e old gracia i used to b...tis is not mi...im not like tis...i hate it...i dun like it...it sucks...i wan e old mi back...i dunno wat's happening...i juz dun like wat im doing now...i wan to do music...instead im studying like mad...but at e end...e results still sucks...i wan to teach music to himb...but i dun haf e time...i wan to learn more frm mi instructors...but i cant afford e time too...i wan to learn piano frm ms tay again...BUT I NO HAF E TIME!!!!seriously...i really hate miself...
after saying all tt...i feel like crying...i tink im under depression...
friends...pls 4gif mi if i hurt anione of u...
sorry...
=(
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