haf u ever...

_haf u ever..._

haf u ever feel lost?like...u noe wat u wan...but dunno wat to do to haf or get it...like...u really wan to do sth...but u dun haf e courage to do it...like...u noe wat i mean ba?

well...last nite...after dinner with jinping n mr ng...i did som tinking...i feel like...i lost my touch with music...with band...though i really like to b involved...but...its like...no chance...no time...blah...so near yet so far...

i feel no use in tis band animore...

i feel superly useless...

do i really haf e guts...e courage to carry on in tis line?

do i?

i wan to...

but im scare...

depression in progress again i guess...

i really really really wan to b a musician...no matter how hard it is...no matter how lousy is e pay like...no matter how hard or terrible it is...i jux really wanna b a musician...

i wan my music to b played...i wan to conduct again...i wan to play e horn again...i wan to b able to teach music again...i wan to b able to pass mi knowledge on music to someone else who understands my way of music...

i jux wan to b a musician...

but...

do i dare?