baNd~

_baNd~_

okie...im done with e caLL...n mi headache is still nt gone...but i tink i shld type tis still...im nt afraid to share...some of u may sae y im behaving in some particular way in e band...well...i dun mind telling n sharing with anione...

i may haf always sae i wan to leave e band...but how can i leave feeling unsercure bout e band...when u dun see improvement but onli see deprovement...if im going to leave like tt...i mux b nt human...if nt...im e worst living being on earth...

when everyone around u r telling u sth bout e band...do u tink u will feel happy bout it when majority is e negative pt?how would u feel?haf u all ever put urself in mi shoes?

i may haf been demoralised or watever kind of shit...but tt doesnt mean i cannot stand up again...jux bcox i dun intend to stay in e alumni...does it mean tt...im nt part of e band?let mi tell u e answer...NO IT DOESNT MEAN TT! jux bcox i dun like helping out with e alumni...doesnt mean i dun care bout e band...i still haf lots of fun with mi section...they were e ones who asked mi back to help...initially...i didnt want to agree...but after learning almost 14 to 15yrs of music...if i dun share part of knowledge...im really a bery selfish person...

i've been a musician for e majority of mi life...i nv like to judge music...u can haf viewpts about e music...but music is not for u to judge...so wat if its gold? silver, bronze or even COP? its still a kind of music...i cant work with a band who tinks purely of medal onli...now...im really sad to sae tis...e band onli tinks bout e medal...they didnt realise tt...if they dun haf e music...they wont haf ani medal at all...im sad bout it...cox they didnt really get to enjoy good music...n wat is music...im really bery sad bout it...

like wat i sae b4...im oso human...im made out of flesh n blood...i need encouragement...help n motivation too...but when u nv or really seldom receive ani of these...how are u going to push urself to a higher stage? even in jc...in holy during mi major exams...there's someone there giving mi e encouragement...e help e motivation...these pple are mi friendsn tutors...even mi band mates!but nv once...i experienced it in hiband...i experienced these feelings in srband b4...though sometimes horn section in srband goes mad...but still i did experienced it...

whenever im in hiband...i feel like...im nth...mi friends haf been telling mi for many yrs to leave e band...but everytime...i onli tink n sae...but nv once...i took actions about it...band members reading tis...u can sae i dun take mi words seriously...but let mi tell u...i cant b bothered bout ani kind of shit or rubbish liao...cox none of u haf been in mi position b4...i tried to help in building up foundation in some sections...but none of u took mi seriously...i tried to help with sectionals...even though i noe nth bout tt inst...i still tried mi best in helping...

in a committee filled with president or majors...been scolded or said by e pple frm ur same batch...rushing here n there for band pracs...helping out with sectionals for 10 sections...juggling btw 2 bands...and school...blahx...i dun tink anione in hiband did actually experience ani of the above...n let mi tell u guys...im really serious bout it...

ever since mi O lvl exams...up till even mi A lvl exams...i havent even taken a mth break from tis band...even if there's study break...i'll b planning out some stuff for e band...or i will still b getting news bout e band...tis is how much i love n want to help e band...

its okie to mi even if e teachers n instructors dun appreciate mi effort...its okie e members dun appreciate mi effort too...i already cant b bothered...mi roots are too deep...i tried pulling it out...but it nv succeed...someone asked mi to stop behaving in such a manner...but i wan to sae lor...

haf u all ever spare a tot for mi?

im onli one person...one soul here...but i haf to spare a tot for so many of u?have anione of u spare a tot for mi...jux to tink y i behave in such a way or manner?u guys onli noe how to sae y im like tis or like tt...but haf u guys ever tot of wat's e root cause of it?

im a part of everything in himb...frm management to sectionals even to members' feelings...but at e end of e dae...im still e bad person while e others are e good one...

seriously..."im sorry i cant b perfect~"

pple...i really need u guys to spare a tot for mi in y im behaving in such a manner in tis band...y i choose to leave e alumni n jux purely join e band...y i choose to help out in sectionals...n still do e mgt part...y i gt upset with e alumni...y i still like n love himb despite all e matter tt happen...y i always sae...e medal is nt impt...its e music which is impt...y i always sae...no matter wat we get...we onli gt 24hrs to b happy or sad bout it...den get on with life...n yet been sae i was discouraging pple...u guys dun noe how sad i was when i heard tt...

u may sae im trying to praise miself or watever shit...but tis is how devoted im to tis idiotic band which always makes mi sad n made mi tear alot...im nt bull shitting or watever rubbish...but its really time for u pple to tink about wat u haf done for someone close to u...

have u ever thank ur close for their help?have u told someone u appreciate tt person before?a simple note...a simple sms...can make a diff...i dunno whether u guys heard about a story frm chicken soup...a simple note...saved a person life...a simple gesture...saved a person life...

so pple...all of u reading tis...i appreciate n thank u guys for being part of mi life...whether we are friends or enemies...i thank e lord for letting mi noe u...i thank e lord for opening mi eyes to view e situation in e band...i thank e lord for hafing friends n enemies...

most imptly...i thank e lord for letting mi haf e chance of living...

i shall stop here...mi days of an alumni exco or an alumni core may haf cum to an end...but i haf nv regret mi decision... =)