mOody~

_mOody~_

before u start reading...here's just a warning...if u dun wan to hear mi rant...PLEASE JUST CLICK E RED BOX WITH A "X"...tis entry is filled with anger...tt's all i can sae...cox im really angered...GET IT!

i dun understand...i seriously DUN UNDERSTAND!

i keep myself fully occuiped...sitting infront of e com...doing all mi work...sitting at e piano for at least 4-5hrs a day...BUT WHY IM STILL SO WORRY FOR A GROUP OF IDIOTS WHO TOTALLY DUN APPRECIATE OR CARE ABOUT MI?!

BLOODY HELL TO U GRACIA!

i usually dun like to scold such languages...but im really awfully pissed with myself already...totally pissed...y am i still doing so much for them?all e planning of e work...e yet to b posted learning techniques...DO THEY ACTUALLY USE IT N LEARN FRM IT?

I DUNNO LAH! B.HELL!

u noe wat i really wan to do? i jux wan to cry non-stop...its already a mth...i controlled so well...but mi mood...arrr...RUBBISH MOOD!n i really hate it when they use such a tone on mi...HELLO! RMB! I DUN OWN YOU ANITING! esp...e same person who always pissed mi off...IM JUX TRYING TO BE NICE TO ASK HOW'S WIF E PLANNING! next time...i shall jux keep mi bloody mouth SHUT!

SHUT UP!

find ani words regarding ANGER...tt's how i feel now...totally tt way...TOTALLY...e more i listen to beethoven op.10 no.1 e more i feel tt way...e anger in e music...e wan for perfection...e runs...e chordal runs...e app runs...e supposed to b calming part but filled with minor chords...e major parts...e parts which are relaxing leading into stressful minor keys again...e impactful chords...TT'S HOW IM FEELING!

i oso dunno wat's wrong wif miself...i sae tis...but im feeling tt...i cant believe i actually dreamt of them...I GAVE UP PLAYING E HORN N CLARINET THOUGH ITS JUST BY MI TO FORGET TT I ACTUALLY DO LIKE BAND MUSIC!

DAMN IT!

i gif up composing too...cox i lost my MOTIVATION...but i haf e urge to compose...wat's wrong?wat's wrong wif mi?after 7yrs...SEVEN BLOODY FOOL YEARS I WASTED...when i can do so much more other stuff...i cant believe i actually devoted them to them...YET!e end results is so arrr...i didnt get e TRUST! i didnt get e APPRECIATION! i didnt get aniting except HATES!

SO BLOODY WELL DONE GRACIA!

i cant believe miself too...i feel like tearing everyting away...throwing away all related stuff...even if tt means i haf to throw mi mouthpiece away...I CANT BELIEVE IT! i actually carry mi mouthpiece n reed with mi EVERYWHERE I GO!

i hate miself...i hate miself...i do really hate miself...

i wan to gif up...oh god...pls gif mi e strength n courage to gif it up...i dun haf e talent for it...im jux a piece of rag...been made use of...to clean up all e mess...now...i torn n totally ragged...PLEASE HELP MI!

i hate u...i hate u...i hate u...

haix...i still dun feel better after scolding tis much...aniways...i tink most of you will know wat im toking about...my used-to-be super beloved...

himb