My Walk with Christ
I was commenting to a friend that, after reading my previous blog entries, I realised how much I have changed ever since my walk with God. Yes, it may be a short 1 year, 1 month and 2 days (on the day of this blog), but still, I guess, I'm not as bad tempered and as pessimistic as compared to the time I know God.
I remembered how much I dwell in band then, how much time and effort, energy and strength I spent in band that I didn't know what is to lead a life of my own. I didn't know how to enjoy time but only did band stuff again and again, day after day, year after year. While all my friends have left the band, I still stayed on. I was always looking down at myself, finding all ways to get rid of my life. In fact, I did tried to commit suicide before, but failed because I chickened out (THANK GOD!). Not many know about this and now, I feel ashsamed that I even allowed the devil to allow me to do so! Sometimes, when I think back. I don't know whether I should be thankful for those days or to be upset about them.
But honestly, comparing to today, I really feel much happier, filled with JOY. I feel like there's a purpose in my life and it's not all about band. Yes, I may have thoughts of returning to band. But this thought isn't that important to me as compared to before. Today, there's so much I want to do that I do not know which I should be doing! Everything seem good too me, but which is the best? I'm not afraid of sharing my condition with others. In fact, others thought I'm kidding. But, I thank God for it. Perhaps this shows that I'm secure about it, though at times I do feel hurt and pain about it. But, God grew me so much in this areas.
Today, I have God's love overflowing in me. Everyday I wake up thanking God for allowing me to return back to Him. I thank God for being my saviour, my lover. The other day, I was telling my mum, Jesus is my lover, my husband. And now, I still believe in that. No one else compares to Him.
Recently, God showed me many interesting stuff that freaked me out as well as increase my Godly fear of Him. Within the week itself, not only once, but twice, God used people to share with me verse He had reminded me of and He used people to share the same verse to encourage a sister. Honestly, when I first realised that, I was like, "God! I'm sorry I doubted that it was my thoughts and not your promptings!" I was really ashamed of myself. But, I thank God for sending people to take away my blindness.
Many times, I wonder, if I knew God better, would my life be much different. But, I came to a conclusion. If I knew God earlier, I won't be able to go through so much drama till I love Him so much and fear Him so much. I wouldn't have understand Him so much that I want to walk in faith with Him. In fact, I wouldn't be who I am today.
As usual, a verse before ending off. 2 Corinthians 5:17,
Today, I want to say, when you choose to accept Jesus into your life, your life will never be the same again. It will become so amazing, so full, so joyful, etc. I'm not saying that as a Christian there's no ups or downs, but I'm saying, it's because we have a saviour now in our life, we could walk this road bravely and strongly because we know that we are not alone. This assurance is not able to be given by anyone except God Himself.
So, my question today, do you have a personal relationship with Him yet? Will you give him a chance?
I remembered how much I dwell in band then, how much time and effort, energy and strength I spent in band that I didn't know what is to lead a life of my own. I didn't know how to enjoy time but only did band stuff again and again, day after day, year after year. While all my friends have left the band, I still stayed on. I was always looking down at myself, finding all ways to get rid of my life. In fact, I did tried to commit suicide before, but failed because I chickened out (THANK GOD!). Not many know about this and now, I feel ashsamed that I even allowed the devil to allow me to do so! Sometimes, when I think back. I don't know whether I should be thankful for those days or to be upset about them.
But honestly, comparing to today, I really feel much happier, filled with JOY. I feel like there's a purpose in my life and it's not all about band. Yes, I may have thoughts of returning to band. But this thought isn't that important to me as compared to before. Today, there's so much I want to do that I do not know which I should be doing! Everything seem good too me, but which is the best? I'm not afraid of sharing my condition with others. In fact, others thought I'm kidding. But, I thank God for it. Perhaps this shows that I'm secure about it, though at times I do feel hurt and pain about it. But, God grew me so much in this areas.
Today, I have God's love overflowing in me. Everyday I wake up thanking God for allowing me to return back to Him. I thank God for being my saviour, my lover. The other day, I was telling my mum, Jesus is my lover, my husband. And now, I still believe in that. No one else compares to Him.
Recently, God showed me many interesting stuff that freaked me out as well as increase my Godly fear of Him. Within the week itself, not only once, but twice, God used people to share with me verse He had reminded me of and He used people to share the same verse to encourage a sister. Honestly, when I first realised that, I was like, "God! I'm sorry I doubted that it was my thoughts and not your promptings!" I was really ashamed of myself. But, I thank God for sending people to take away my blindness.
Many times, I wonder, if I knew God better, would my life be much different. But, I came to a conclusion. If I knew God earlier, I won't be able to go through so much drama till I love Him so much and fear Him so much. I wouldn't have understand Him so much that I want to walk in faith with Him. In fact, I wouldn't be who I am today.
As usual, a verse before ending off. 2 Corinthians 5:17,
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Today, I want to say, when you choose to accept Jesus into your life, your life will never be the same again. It will become so amazing, so full, so joyful, etc. I'm not saying that as a Christian there's no ups or downs, but I'm saying, it's because we have a saviour now in our life, we could walk this road bravely and strongly because we know that we are not alone. This assurance is not able to be given by anyone except God Himself.
So, my question today, do you have a personal relationship with Him yet? Will you give him a chance?
Labels: Reflection
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