e UN-wanted

_e UN-wanted_

yes...tt's mi...

i mean it...serious...im e un-wanted of hiband...

2dae i sae sth...i sae...i dun wan e band to regret like b4...i dun wan to see them cry like last yr syf...den u noe wat they sae...they sae its demoralising...i was sadden...

u noe y?

i dun like e fact tt our alumni are teaching e band tt...e gold, e distinction...is e best...we shld always aim for tt n get that...yes...an aim is gd...but...we r like teaching these kids tt...music is onli bout competition...its sadden mi each time we complete with music...

to mi...all these "competition" is jux a judgement...if nt wat is it called syf central judging n not a competition...u noe wat i mean?i really hate it...HATE IT!y r we completing bout music?wat's all tt competition for?are we teaching these kids tt...without competition...music made is useless or wat?y r we ranking all these stuff...

rmb syf 2005?if u dun...let mi remind u hiband members...who were e ones who kept saying we wan a gold?who were e one?over-confidence will pull down one in fact...when e results were out...who were e one crying?DONT U GUYS NOE TT IT HURTS ME TO SEE U GUYS CRY???i dun tink u guys noe tt...but...when u r crying...i was bleeding inside...when i see u guys crying non-stop...i really dunno wat to sae n do...coz...i seriously feel tt...tt silver last yr...was well-deserved...despite all e problems we haf...it was e effort u guys put in then which really touched mi...it may not b e best playing of tt dae...but to mi...it was best among ALL e other band taking part in e syf...but e tears u guys shed...seriously break my heart...some of u were crying...saying u were sorry tt u guys didnt get e gold...all i could sae was...it wasnt e gold i wan...its e music...its e effort...n till 2dae...i still mean it...all i wan is e music n e effort...

i really dun wan u guys to set a goal again n fail it...den start crying again...i dun wan it to happen again...so i sae all those tings todae...i hope u guys understand...coz...i walked tis paths longer with u guys den ani other alumni...tt im most assured of...be it syf last yr or tis yr...im sure...i walked tis journey longer n harder than ani other alumni of e band...yet...mi intentions are not seem...nt understood...which is wat i was sadden...in other words...i dun feel appreicated...i hate it...i noe i wasnt a major b4...tt's y...i questioned mi actions sometimes too...mi intention was to throw band aside after i left mi line...but e tots of regret haunt mi...so i stayed with e band...but now im questioning miself again...i dun wan to see u pple upset...e smile on ur faces is far more better than ani other medal or wat-so-ever...

ur tears are like my blood...mi involvement in tis band...is too deep till its hard to let go...but i will do it still...to let go n let e others handle...after e AGM or mayb even earlier...

i jux feel tt...as long as u guys do ur best...no matter wat e end result is...gold silver bronze...distinction merit participation blah...they haf put in their best effort...tt's e most impt...

i will always rmb wat mr tan sae...even if he haf forgetten bout it...i will always rmb it...somewhere deep in my heart...

syf...we r doing it for e experience...and nt e medal...

cant u pple see tt?e medal is nt impt~ so wat if we haf e best grade? we may nt b e most happy pple on earth...there r still so many gd band out there...oso...with a band so not united like HIBAND...even e best medal wouldnt bring about aniting...

unity is e lead to gd results...we dun even haf tt now...tok bout distinction...can we jux stop using all e grades...n let them understand tt...its e effort which they put in is more impt...where has all our learning gone too?i hate syf...hate it...

i judged music b4 too...end result...i didnt enjoyed wat i was doing...onli till i put away e judgement...put aside mi fear bout mi grades...i managed to enjoy e true beauty of music...i kept tinking tt music shld b judged...but i was totally wrong...it shld b enjoyed...played frm e heart...played with e mind...den its gd music...den its a prized music...coz e effort is there...there isnt a need for a gold...but there's a need to set ur heart n soul to it...i regretted judging music...i so hate miself...

in fact...i dun like e way WE judge music...be it indoor or outdoor

i hate it...

i hate myself as a musician...

since im nt really welcum in this band...mayb i shld start to leave soon...since...watever i sae is of no use...nvm...im used to it...y muz it always b her who piss mi off?making mi wanna move into my 2nd regrets again...

sometimes...i really hate myself till i feel like killing myself...

i wish to help tis band till AGM...but im losing my will power...to go down tis fri n to go down after EPT now...i dunno...ive lost faith in myself...

u can sae tings which i dun like...but i cant sae tings which u dun like...

gracia...u really r an idiot...

i hate u, gracia...

n those who felt demoralised after wat i sae todae...i apologise...

sorry, hiband...