bReAkiNg hEaRt...

_bReAkiNg hEaRt..._

i was reading mi juniors' blog...den i came across tis...

e 1st one
yesterday.
alice came.
and she talked to us.
well, i appreciate that.
(:

e 2nd one
thanks allison
you always there when i have problems..
you are such a good friend so glad to know you.
i will stay strong even if i dont have friends in the future.

after reading...do u noe how i feel?damn bloody sad...sad till i feel like crying...sad till i can feel mi heart breaking...sad till i dunno whether slping will helping mi forget or staying up to tink about it would b better...sad till im tinking whether e past 3 yrs was useless...sad till i really hate miself...i mux haf been a bery bad member...senior...alumni...teacher... =(

all i see always was how i scold them how bad i was tis n tt...but nv once...i see sth good...like..."gracia taught us sth interesting todae..." or... "gracia actually sat down wif us todae n let us complain about ANITING for an hour plus..." or even tings like..."e encouragement letter gracia gave really motivates mi to want to b a better member..."

in short...i nv have such appreciation b4 where i can see liao n feel happy n glad for a moment...knowing tt i did sth rite...never...sometimes i really wonder whether mi life is a mistake or a blessing...haix...i tink...now...no matter wat kind of appreciation i get now...i will still feel nt appreciated...cox everyting is too late le...im dread le...i feel like a starfish left out in e sun...drying up...

lost of trust...no appreciation...i tink all living beings out there would once in a while like to be trusted n to be appreciated...

am i rite?