sTrEsSeD~~~

_sTrEsSeD~~~_

im telling u pple...dun stress mi up already! i ended up in e hospital on fridae...due to overstress...den mi muscles contracted too much till i gt bery bad cramps n ache...so im saying again...STOP GIFING MI STRESS!!! get it?!

sat...i went to relax with ms blahx...its good to haf a friend beside u at times...singing out loud...though mi singing sux...but it was good n fun...i felt a little better...we sat e last NEL home...oh yea...i promised to sae tis on mi blog...THANKS MS BLAHX FOR SINGING TIAN TIAN YE YE WITH MI FOR FOUR TIMES! =)

todae i went back to band for mi dear horn section prac...we had a mini belated bdae celebration for jacinta...hope he likes it n hope he likes e gift...haAhaa...okie...huahua...if u r reading tis...23 feb...i will rmb liao...i saw frm ur "LOW-PROFILE" blog...hahHAaa... =)

i enjoy playing with mi section...yi rong...i dunno if u will b reading tis or watever...but let mi tell u sth...its okie to b a slow learner as long as u dun gif up...tt's e most impt...n jessica...pls...go n prac harder too...hua hua n jacinta...haix...u noe wat i wanna sae...

no matter wat...i will not gif up on mi section...cox i noe i still gt alot to teach them! i will nt b like e other alumni...jux go back do mgt...sit n stare...i will help with sectionals...n wat so ever...e nxt prac...i will include trumpet section...if i could...i will...

gracia...dun gif up hope on urself...though u r going thru a bery difficult period now...u noe u can do it de...cox u did it b4 le...JIA YOU!

p/s: playing e horn is such a tiring ting... - -"""""

baNd~

_baNd~_

okie...im done with e caLL...n mi headache is still nt gone...but i tink i shld type tis still...im nt afraid to share...some of u may sae y im behaving in some particular way in e band...well...i dun mind telling n sharing with anione...

i may haf always sae i wan to leave e band...but how can i leave feeling unsercure bout e band...when u dun see improvement but onli see deprovement...if im going to leave like tt...i mux b nt human...if nt...im e worst living being on earth...

when everyone around u r telling u sth bout e band...do u tink u will feel happy bout it when majority is e negative pt?how would u feel?haf u all ever put urself in mi shoes?

i may haf been demoralised or watever kind of shit...but tt doesnt mean i cannot stand up again...jux bcox i dun intend to stay in e alumni...does it mean tt...im nt part of e band?let mi tell u e answer...NO IT DOESNT MEAN TT! jux bcox i dun like helping out with e alumni...doesnt mean i dun care bout e band...i still haf lots of fun with mi section...they were e ones who asked mi back to help...initially...i didnt want to agree...but after learning almost 14 to 15yrs of music...if i dun share part of knowledge...im really a bery selfish person...

i've been a musician for e majority of mi life...i nv like to judge music...u can haf viewpts about e music...but music is not for u to judge...so wat if its gold? silver, bronze or even COP? its still a kind of music...i cant work with a band who tinks purely of medal onli...now...im really sad to sae tis...e band onli tinks bout e medal...they didnt realise tt...if they dun haf e music...they wont haf ani medal at all...im sad bout it...cox they didnt really get to enjoy good music...n wat is music...im really bery sad bout it...

like wat i sae b4...im oso human...im made out of flesh n blood...i need encouragement...help n motivation too...but when u nv or really seldom receive ani of these...how are u going to push urself to a higher stage? even in jc...in holy during mi major exams...there's someone there giving mi e encouragement...e help e motivation...these pple are mi friendsn tutors...even mi band mates!but nv once...i experienced it in hiband...i experienced these feelings in srband b4...though sometimes horn section in srband goes mad...but still i did experienced it...

whenever im in hiband...i feel like...im nth...mi friends haf been telling mi for many yrs to leave e band...but everytime...i onli tink n sae...but nv once...i took actions about it...band members reading tis...u can sae i dun take mi words seriously...but let mi tell u...i cant b bothered bout ani kind of shit or rubbish liao...cox none of u haf been in mi position b4...i tried to help in building up foundation in some sections...but none of u took mi seriously...i tried to help with sectionals...even though i noe nth bout tt inst...i still tried mi best in helping...

in a committee filled with president or majors...been scolded or said by e pple frm ur same batch...rushing here n there for band pracs...helping out with sectionals for 10 sections...juggling btw 2 bands...and school...blahx...i dun tink anione in hiband did actually experience ani of the above...n let mi tell u guys...im really serious bout it...

ever since mi O lvl exams...up till even mi A lvl exams...i havent even taken a mth break from tis band...even if there's study break...i'll b planning out some stuff for e band...or i will still b getting news bout e band...tis is how much i love n want to help e band...

its okie to mi even if e teachers n instructors dun appreciate mi effort...its okie e members dun appreciate mi effort too...i already cant b bothered...mi roots are too deep...i tried pulling it out...but it nv succeed...someone asked mi to stop behaving in such a manner...but i wan to sae lor...

haf u all ever spare a tot for mi?

im onli one person...one soul here...but i haf to spare a tot for so many of u?have anione of u spare a tot for mi...jux to tink y i behave in such a way or manner?u guys onli noe how to sae y im like tis or like tt...but haf u guys ever tot of wat's e root cause of it?

im a part of everything in himb...frm management to sectionals even to members' feelings...but at e end of e dae...im still e bad person while e others are e good one...

seriously..."im sorry i cant b perfect~"

pple...i really need u guys to spare a tot for mi in y im behaving in such a manner in tis band...y i choose to leave e alumni n jux purely join e band...y i choose to help out in sectionals...n still do e mgt part...y i gt upset with e alumni...y i still like n love himb despite all e matter tt happen...y i always sae...e medal is nt impt...its e music which is impt...y i always sae...no matter wat we get...we onli gt 24hrs to b happy or sad bout it...den get on with life...n yet been sae i was discouraging pple...u guys dun noe how sad i was when i heard tt...

u may sae im trying to praise miself or watever shit...but tis is how devoted im to tis idiotic band which always makes mi sad n made mi tear alot...im nt bull shitting or watever rubbish...but its really time for u pple to tink about wat u haf done for someone close to u...

have u ever thank ur close for their help?have u told someone u appreciate tt person before?a simple note...a simple sms...can make a diff...i dunno whether u guys heard about a story frm chicken soup...a simple note...saved a person life...a simple gesture...saved a person life...

so pple...all of u reading tis...i appreciate n thank u guys for being part of mi life...whether we are friends or enemies...i thank e lord for letting mi noe u...i thank e lord for opening mi eyes to view e situation in e band...i thank e lord for hafing friends n enemies...

most imptly...i thank e lord for letting mi haf e chance of living...

i shall stop here...mi days of an alumni exco or an alumni core may haf cum to an end...but i haf nv regret mi decision... =)

hEadAcHe~

_hEaDaCHe~_

its been some time since i last had a headache...

now...mi head...mi brain...feels like its going to explode aniting...its feels like a volcano...going to erupt anitime...its feels like a tsunami going to hit land...it feel like a building crashing down on a human...

in short...its hurts...

=(

i dun wan to tok bout todae...im suppose to call someone...but i dunno if i still haf e physical n emotional power to call...haix...

in pain~

vulgarities

_vuLgAriTiEs_

yes...all e foul languages...within a short period of 2 weeks...i was scolded CB n F...by sec3 n sec4 students...like so amazing lah...i nv kana scolded like tt straight in e face b4 sia~ NEVER IN MI LIFE! tis's e 1st time...

really bery pissed off bout it...but tinking back...its actually quite funny...im really glad i was slightly taller than one of e boys...or else...super paiseh...but seriously...when i was 1st scolded...i was really shocked...i almost dunno how to react...so i scolded e boy..."how could u scold mi such a word? u totally spoilt mi good impression of u!"

yup...initially...i had a little good impression about tt student...but after tt dae...no way...i seriously feel bery paiseh to tell pple where i grad frm now...cox...e school's like...HAIX! a disappointment...i nv expect it to b like tt...e shocked bout mi class is bad enuff...n now e students...oh yea...let mi tell u...its nt e N students...its e E students...shocking arh? sound like some gangster school...

i feel so sad bout it... =(

feel so sad bout mi school...n guess wat...one of e other guys actually scolded ms blahx n mi~ together...cox we were in e class together...like so ermmm...arrr~ yup...so errr~ one student asked us to shut up cox we ask him to take his paper to do...e other scolded us F cox we ask him to do his work n find his teacher later...so arrr~

haix...hopefully tings will improve soon...so depressing... =(

faith

_fAitH_

faith...

Matthew 17:20

And Jesus said unto them,
Because of your unbelief;
for verily I say unto you,
If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed,
ye shall say unto this mountain,
Remove hence to yonder place;
and it shall remove'
and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

i tink i no need explain...recently...i dunno wat's wrong...but i feel like im tinking twice bout music again...mayb three times...mi piano...mi horn...mi music life...mi compositions...its like...it came to a stop suddenly for everyting...

mi new composition...after some negative comments...i stopped again...due to lack of time...i didnt have much time to prac mi dear piano...n mi horn...its like no band i lost my motivation...but i still dun wan to go back...though i really want to...cox i cant work with a band who dun appreciate e music...

someone's nick on msn was like tis "Y do we appreciate MUSIC better than e ppl ard us? Simple: we listen to music, but do we REALLY LISTEN to others? Wake up PLS!" i try to do both side...but all in all...everyting seem worst...mrs ganesan told mi todae e alumni went back...i realised sth...once im gone...they start cuming back...wat e crap...

gifing up band is like...gifing up mi sight...mi taste...mi touch...mi hearing...mi breathe...in short...its like gifing up...everyting of mine...esp music...mi mum was saying so many pple taking up scholarship frm moe now...how can i get to do e nie dip in music course...i was actually quite depressed...but i didnt wan to sae aniting...

i jux feel bery useless...

yes...useless...bery useless...i feel like a fruit in e tree...either someone pluck mi off e tree...or i jux drop n rot...i dun feel like a fighter...no...i feel like im nobody...tt's y i hate miself...

i enjoy composing for e fun of it...but mi works...are always commented...e 1st...its sound like sth else...n still kana re-arranged by someone else...e 2nd was still okie...e 3rd...i didnt bother to really let many listen...e current...i dun haf animore ideas to cont...but i really do like mi own work...tt's wat i haf to sae...

i tink...i really need to haf e faith in miself to believe tt i can do it in music...its really someting i like n dun wish to gif up...i haf already gave up band...which is a bery tupid n horrible mistake...but i dun wish to regret...cox im wking with pple who dun really appreicate music...

i will never wan to gif up on music...

i mux haf faith...in miself... =)

就算失望 不能绝望

_就算失望 不能绝望_

i dunno whether u guys can se e title not...it saes..."jiu suan shi wang, bu neng jue wang" tis sentence means...no matter how depressed u r...dun ever gif up hope...really meaningful rite? tis is mi motivation line... =)

broke down at work yesterdae...cox was super shocked with e crazy timetable...but i was proud of miself when i realise i was able to overcum it...except to tt tupid class of 4 hope...all thanks to mi cousin...dunno wat rubbish he sae to his class...

worked since mondae tis wk...dunno tomole gt work not...

aniways...its chanya b'dae tomole!

oh...had a tired dae...ABRSM books arrived...i was unpacking n arranging it...stand for like 4hrs...walk up n down jux to settle e books...but im so proud of miself...well done gracia! hahAHAa...

okie...tis blog a bit bhb...but pls forgive...hahAHaa... =)